I have always been a really observant person. I could see and analyze what most people can't. One way is to determine how a woman will age based on her present features.
To get started, you want to look at a woman's jaw line. It may sound weird but you want something rigid like a mans. Women such as Jenna fisher, Demi Lovato and Keira Knightley have very poor jaw lines. Weight gain, time and gravity will take a serious toll on their faces. These women will have jowls and chins lost amongst sagging skin. An example of what a woman's jaw should look like is Famke Janssen. It will take a long time for age to leave its mark on her.
When it comes to noses you want a woman with a swept nose. Stacy Dash and Taylor Swift come to mind when I think of cute noses. It should be stream lined as if it was created in a wind tunnel. Never go for a girl with what I call a "pudgy pilgrim nose" like Kaley Cucoa. That nose will continue to grow and is a sign that she tends to carry weight in her face.
Another feature to look for is body proportion. A woman with one dominate asset is going to age around it. The big breasted gals will sag and have the posture of an ape. The big booty women will gain weight and that ass will lose its shape, developing dimples over time. A hand full of titty and butt is what you want guys.
Sculpted legs are a big plus for me. Toned calves and hamstrings will keep those legs looking great for a long time. I think Emma Stone is cute but her chopsticks for legs are not going to hold up well. Also pay attention to knobby knees, over time a chick with them will eventually have chicken legs.
I am not a fan of women with abs. I like my women a little soft but not sloppy. Love handles however so slight, shows signs of what's to come. If she has a tummy, the baby fat should be distributed equally and not settled at the bottom. Add in a pair of tight jeans and you got yourself a muffin top.
Choose wisely guys for now and later.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Heels aren't sexy
I hate high heels because I know what they do to women's feet. Sure they make her legs appear long and ass full but those feet are jacked. I'd rather they wear flats so I don't have to hear them bitch about foot pain or walk around barefoot.
Heels look good for about twenty minutes then all hell breaks loose. Her feet will slide forward leaving the toes smashed inside the pumps. If they are open toe shoes then it resembles a gargoyle clutching the side of a building. After a night of standing and dancing women have the posture of Mr. Burns from the Simpsons.
You can also expect some long lasting effects from wearing heels. A compressed Achilles tendon, bunions, corn and hammer toes are serious issues. Not only for health reasons but appearance as well. Your toes shouldn't look like shrimp cocktail.
Wear comfortable shoes Ladies, men do.
Heels look good for about twenty minutes then all hell breaks loose. Her feet will slide forward leaving the toes smashed inside the pumps. If they are open toe shoes then it resembles a gargoyle clutching the side of a building. After a night of standing and dancing women have the posture of Mr. Burns from the Simpsons.
You can also expect some long lasting effects from wearing heels. A compressed Achilles tendon, bunions, corn and hammer toes are serious issues. Not only for health reasons but appearance as well. Your toes shouldn't look like shrimp cocktail.
Wear comfortable shoes Ladies, men do.
Get to know your hair
Though you hear a lot about Brazilian waxes you rarely see them. Few women get them done, whether it's fear or cost, ladies tend to groom themselves. The down side is you're not getting every hair. A second party is your best defense from leaving behind genital grass.
A small percentage of women are lucky and only have to maintain a triangle lawn. The rest have to continue the battle along the front and sides of their thighs. The others have a dirty trail to worry about and the unfortunate have the dreaded lone rangers mask. What is the lone rangers mask you ask? Its when the hair surrounds both holes between her legs.
If you're going to continue to do it yourself then incorporate a hand mirror. You have to really get in there and find out your situation. You want to be pretty everywhere. Don't give men an excuse not to be oral. Nothing gets us out of the mood better than a hair on the tongue or one up the nose.
A small percentage of women are lucky and only have to maintain a triangle lawn. The rest have to continue the battle along the front and sides of their thighs. The others have a dirty trail to worry about and the unfortunate have the dreaded lone rangers mask. What is the lone rangers mask you ask? Its when the hair surrounds both holes between her legs.
If you're going to continue to do it yourself then incorporate a hand mirror. You have to really get in there and find out your situation. You want to be pretty everywhere. Don't give men an excuse not to be oral. Nothing gets us out of the mood better than a hair on the tongue or one up the nose.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
You're paying to appear unattractive
It's fact that most men don't care what women wear. I do however, if were together we represent one another. I can't allow you to leave the house looking like a bar whore.
I despise all raccoon eye make up. The London look is dated along with heroin chic. If you have pretty eyes why clutter our view of them? I also never understood why women cover up young beautiful skin with product? It reminds me of the West Indian girls in Queens who would powder their entire face to appear lighter. Instead of looking fair skinned, they looked like pandas.
It's hard for me to go to clubs now because it's a breeding ground for women with poor taste. An army of single women covered in glitter and cheap shear clothing hunting men. Why are your breasts covered in glitter any way? I'm not a dog or child attracted to shiny objects. I cant take you home unless you put those titties in the sink and wash it off. You're not going to glitter up my sheets and furniture because you're insecure with your cup size.
Animal print is just tacky. It's rare that these tops, dresses or skirts are from a reputable brand or made from quality material. It is a dated look as well, it reminds me of the animal print Zubaz pants from the 90's.
If you ever wore a skirt with leggings, I hate you. It's a horrible look and we know you haven't shaved. When I see women wear this combo, its the equivalent to seeing Mexicans wearing shorts and gym socks. I don't even want to imagine the smell when you peel those off at the end of the day.
Stay natural ladies and avoid dressing cheap.
I despise all raccoon eye make up. The London look is dated along with heroin chic. If you have pretty eyes why clutter our view of them? I also never understood why women cover up young beautiful skin with product? It reminds me of the West Indian girls in Queens who would powder their entire face to appear lighter. Instead of looking fair skinned, they looked like pandas.
It's hard for me to go to clubs now because it's a breeding ground for women with poor taste. An army of single women covered in glitter and cheap shear clothing hunting men. Why are your breasts covered in glitter any way? I'm not a dog or child attracted to shiny objects. I cant take you home unless you put those titties in the sink and wash it off. You're not going to glitter up my sheets and furniture because you're insecure with your cup size.
Animal print is just tacky. It's rare that these tops, dresses or skirts are from a reputable brand or made from quality material. It is a dated look as well, it reminds me of the animal print Zubaz pants from the 90's.
If you ever wore a skirt with leggings, I hate you. It's a horrible look and we know you haven't shaved. When I see women wear this combo, its the equivalent to seeing Mexicans wearing shorts and gym socks. I don't even want to imagine the smell when you peel those off at the end of the day.
Stay natural ladies and avoid dressing cheap.
My insurance policy
You cant burn to many women without having the occasional vigilante. In the beginning I was reckless and paid for it. My home was graffitied, I dodged a few attacks and one even spread rumors of me being a homosexual around the work place, touche. With time and technology though came experience and opportunity.
Fake names and never bringing women home when the suns up goes a long way. You don't want them remembering street names or landmarks. In and out, no sleep overs either.
With the advent of cell phones many women are willing to hand out nude pics like hugs and kisses. Smart men save these even if they're tired of looking at them. You don't know when a scorn woman may emerge. Nothing puts the brakes on getting a drink thrown to the face like a reminder about a potential embarrassing exposure.
Women I realize I'm coming off as a bit of a scum bag. I only do this as insurance, they're worse out there than I. On the internet you will find a huge selection of websites that deal in the trade of nude pics of ex girlfriends. Guys swap them as if they were war stories. I on the other hand have a little more class. I don't share or save them on any devices. I keep them safe on an unused email account, hoping never to have to use them.
Ladies be smart and don't take nude pics.
Fake names and never bringing women home when the suns up goes a long way. You don't want them remembering street names or landmarks. In and out, no sleep overs either.
With the advent of cell phones many women are willing to hand out nude pics like hugs and kisses. Smart men save these even if they're tired of looking at them. You don't know when a scorn woman may emerge. Nothing puts the brakes on getting a drink thrown to the face like a reminder about a potential embarrassing exposure.
Women I realize I'm coming off as a bit of a scum bag. I only do this as insurance, they're worse out there than I. On the internet you will find a huge selection of websites that deal in the trade of nude pics of ex girlfriends. Guys swap them as if they were war stories. I on the other hand have a little more class. I don't share or save them on any devices. I keep them safe on an unused email account, hoping never to have to use them.
Ladies be smart and don't take nude pics.
Monday, August 19, 2013
What not to say when talking dirty to women
1. I want you to suck my cock like a gay guy
2. I want to put my nose in your vagina and smell your insides
3. Let's try to get your face pregnant
4. My penis is cold will you warm it up with your farts
5. I want to use your ass cheeks as a hot dog bun.
2. I want to put my nose in your vagina and smell your insides
3. Let's try to get your face pregnant
4. My penis is cold will you warm it up with your farts
5. I want to use your ass cheeks as a hot dog bun.
The pitfalls of going down on women
It's confession time, I enjoy going down on women. I'm good at it and like to show it off. That being said I have had my share of bad experiences. Not every woman's fortune cookie will be sweet.
The average healthy woman aside from any outside factors is going to have a mild salty clam. One chick I was seeing was healthy and fit but her vag had a metallic flavor. I chalked up the first incident believing her period was probably on its way. To my surprise when I turned up a week later for seconds it happened again. It was like eating pennies out of a homeless mans coffee cup. I later found out that her property's water supply wasn't connected to the grid. It came from a well on the property itself. The heavy mineral deposits in the water got soaked up into her biscuit leaving said taste in my mouth.
Another bad incident involved a woman whose sea shell I have had on several occasions. It was a delight every time except for this one day. I was running my tongue along her labia when it began to burn. The sensation was so great that my mouth began to numb. We both determined that she didn't fully rinse off her vaginal cleanser in the shower. To make it worse it was cinnamon scented. To this day I cannot chew big red gum.
In conclusion ladies your vagina is a pool that must be assured safe for divers.
The average healthy woman aside from any outside factors is going to have a mild salty clam. One chick I was seeing was healthy and fit but her vag had a metallic flavor. I chalked up the first incident believing her period was probably on its way. To my surprise when I turned up a week later for seconds it happened again. It was like eating pennies out of a homeless mans coffee cup. I later found out that her property's water supply wasn't connected to the grid. It came from a well on the property itself. The heavy mineral deposits in the water got soaked up into her biscuit leaving said taste in my mouth.
Another bad incident involved a woman whose sea shell I have had on several occasions. It was a delight every time except for this one day. I was running my tongue along her labia when it began to burn. The sensation was so great that my mouth began to numb. We both determined that she didn't fully rinse off her vaginal cleanser in the shower. To make it worse it was cinnamon scented. To this day I cannot chew big red gum.
In conclusion ladies your vagina is a pool that must be assured safe for divers.
Friday, August 16, 2013
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Not everyone is African-American
This African-American classification is bullshit. You actually have to BE FROM AFRICA for that to apply to you. Immigrants from Nigeria, Sudan and so forth are African-American. If your name is anything with "La" as the prefix, chances are, you ain't African. Even though some Europeans bought and shipped some Africans over here, doesn't mean that was you Auntee. If that's the case, I'm Italian-Irish-Native American.
Stop using race as a crutch. It's obvious that claiming to be African-American doesn't get you to front of many lines except the ones that hand out free shit. It does, however, get you moved to the back of the bus.
Stop using race as a crutch. It's obvious that claiming to be African-American doesn't get you to front of many lines except the ones that hand out free shit. It does, however, get you moved to the back of the bus.
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
We're better off without Trayvon Martin
After watching the black community rise up against the (alleged) wrongful death of Trayvon "8 Ball" Martin, I have a new bitter taste in my mouth for semi-educated African Americans.
First of all, a black person with a high school diploma plus a University of Phoenix degree is about as intellectually equipped as a Down's patient after intensive shock therapy. They believe that Jew Zimmerman should have just let an urban teen in the wrong neighborhood walk on through and not question the kid's motive.
I, for one, don't like to see unregistered blacks roaming my neighborhood. If you live near me and you're black, you're probably a doctor or lawyer. I'm white and make great money. I live where the air is sweeter to breathe.
If someone matching Trayvon's description would have been walking in my neighborhood eating fruit candy and wearing a hood, I would have called the police and told them that a white, female child was just raped and given the police Trayvon's description. That problem would have just worked itself out.
To black people:
If you want to walk around white neighborhoods, don't dress like a fucking rap video and you likely won't get shot to death and your family won't have to live with the fact that I beat the charge in court because I'm white and this is 'Merica.
She's the wrong kind of bi
I have dealt with a lot of nutty women in my life. Though I'm sure there were more, two have admitted to being bipolar. That is not the bi most men are looking for.
The first chick was older than me by almost a decade. She was West Indian and had an amazing body. We talked a lot first and I was able to slowly gain her trust. She was reluctant to admit her past until I said "It doesn't matter what you did its what you do from this point on". Women always fall for that, even right now some of you are saying I wouldn't, but you will. She proceeded to tell me that she was bipolar. Instead of seeking conventional treatment, she self medicated with illegal substances. I assume meth or crack because she was from Maryland. Of course that not being the wise choice, she became an addict and started a career in prostitution to support her habit. Now I don't know how women can think that's a past that can be forgotten but it cannot. I know I asked for it and obtained this information deceptively but I'm glad I did. I have always made it a point to interrogate a women before my penis makes its cameo. Though she was sober now and supposedly clean I still couldn't take the chance or get over the fact that she was still bi and an ex hooker. She later wrote a book about her life and is doing well from what I heard.
The second chick that was bipolar didn't have as many emotional swings but when she did it was scary. I'm talking about waking up and she's staring at you scary. She too was older than me but didn't have much sexual experience so the relationship was balanced. She was really shy and at times afraid to ask for sex. I always had to initiate. I made the mistake of telling her one time to do whatever she wants to me whenever she wants. I later found out that she examining my body when I was asleep. Now I'm a heavy sleeper so she could of done more than what she admitted to, pulling back my foreskin, spreading my ass, etc. The scary part was as the relationship progressed she became more depressed. Even after sex when, she would have an orgasm, and immediately go to her dark place. She didn't want to talk or be touched just lay and stew. After a couple of those I decided I'm not going to wait around and be killed by this bitch. If she could undress me without knowing, she could easily slit my throat.
The moral of this article is to trust no one with your penis and be careful who you sleep next to.
The first chick was older than me by almost a decade. She was West Indian and had an amazing body. We talked a lot first and I was able to slowly gain her trust. She was reluctant to admit her past until I said "It doesn't matter what you did its what you do from this point on". Women always fall for that, even right now some of you are saying I wouldn't, but you will. She proceeded to tell me that she was bipolar. Instead of seeking conventional treatment, she self medicated with illegal substances. I assume meth or crack because she was from Maryland. Of course that not being the wise choice, she became an addict and started a career in prostitution to support her habit. Now I don't know how women can think that's a past that can be forgotten but it cannot. I know I asked for it and obtained this information deceptively but I'm glad I did. I have always made it a point to interrogate a women before my penis makes its cameo. Though she was sober now and supposedly clean I still couldn't take the chance or get over the fact that she was still bi and an ex hooker. She later wrote a book about her life and is doing well from what I heard.
The second chick that was bipolar didn't have as many emotional swings but when she did it was scary. I'm talking about waking up and she's staring at you scary. She too was older than me but didn't have much sexual experience so the relationship was balanced. She was really shy and at times afraid to ask for sex. I always had to initiate. I made the mistake of telling her one time to do whatever she wants to me whenever she wants. I later found out that she examining my body when I was asleep. Now I'm a heavy sleeper so she could of done more than what she admitted to, pulling back my foreskin, spreading my ass, etc. The scary part was as the relationship progressed she became more depressed. Even after sex when, she would have an orgasm, and immediately go to her dark place. She didn't want to talk or be touched just lay and stew. After a couple of those I decided I'm not going to wait around and be killed by this bitch. If she could undress me without knowing, she could easily slit my throat.
The moral of this article is to trust no one with your penis and be careful who you sleep next to.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Friday, October 29, 2010
Nothing wrong with a fat pussy
Women should not feel insecure if they put on a few pounds. If you can pull it off; it's not that bad. Some women have the frame that the weight distributes evenly. Others aren't so lucky. If you are stricken by the following issues you need stop eating fat ass.
If your hands and feet are so chubby that they look like they belong on a midget; your obese. Fingers shouldn't be fat. Nobody wants a hobbit hand job. Fat feet are also unattractive. They begin to look like men's and cankles are sure to follow.
I am a leg man and a sucker for curves. If you begin to gain weight on the inside of your thighs though your in trouble. Your legs will rub together while walking and begin to blacken. It eventually looks like your walking around each leg. As if you were trying to walk and hula hoop simultaneously.
Fat thighs will lead to a fat pussy. This is not always bad; a camel toe can be sexy. The extra meat also feels good. If your pussy gains to much weight it will become disgusting. Have you ever seen some of these chicks in jeans? It looks like they have two asses; one in the front and back. It can get so bad that the fat from their pussy and gut combine forces.
A little belly is acceptable but if it overlaps your waist its not. No guy wants to hold back your stomach to get at your pussy. If its dark we may even accidentally fuck your belly button. Mistakes happen when your body loses its definition. Having love handles doesn't help with sex as advertised. It's one of those things that can make your body look weird; especially if you hold all your weight in your mid-section. You begin to have that E.T. profile.
Some big chicks tend to have large tits. Those that do may not have attractive ones. Their big but as soon as the bra comes off they drop a lot. I mean at the club they are on her chest. At my crib they are on each side of her stomach. It's a lesson that I had to learn the hard way. They have the appearance that they were once nice but became deflated. Then you wonder how did she get them in the bra? Did she stuff them in or neatly rolled them up?
If you have any of these qualities it is wise to get back in shape. I'm not sure if you can fix these problems once the damage is done but you should try. To all my big girls who are still sexy I have no problem being called a chubby chaser for you.
If your hands and feet are so chubby that they look like they belong on a midget; your obese. Fingers shouldn't be fat. Nobody wants a hobbit hand job. Fat feet are also unattractive. They begin to look like men's and cankles are sure to follow.
I am a leg man and a sucker for curves. If you begin to gain weight on the inside of your thighs though your in trouble. Your legs will rub together while walking and begin to blacken. It eventually looks like your walking around each leg. As if you were trying to walk and hula hoop simultaneously.
Fat thighs will lead to a fat pussy. This is not always bad; a camel toe can be sexy. The extra meat also feels good. If your pussy gains to much weight it will become disgusting. Have you ever seen some of these chicks in jeans? It looks like they have two asses; one in the front and back. It can get so bad that the fat from their pussy and gut combine forces.
A little belly is acceptable but if it overlaps your waist its not. No guy wants to hold back your stomach to get at your pussy. If its dark we may even accidentally fuck your belly button. Mistakes happen when your body loses its definition. Having love handles doesn't help with sex as advertised. It's one of those things that can make your body look weird; especially if you hold all your weight in your mid-section. You begin to have that E.T. profile.
Some big chicks tend to have large tits. Those that do may not have attractive ones. Their big but as soon as the bra comes off they drop a lot. I mean at the club they are on her chest. At my crib they are on each side of her stomach. It's a lesson that I had to learn the hard way. They have the appearance that they were once nice but became deflated. Then you wonder how did she get them in the bra? Did she stuff them in or neatly rolled them up?
If you have any of these qualities it is wise to get back in shape. I'm not sure if you can fix these problems once the damage is done but you should try. To all my big girls who are still sexy I have no problem being called a chubby chaser for you.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Are we just friends or can I show her my dick?
It is not always easy to determine if a chick wants to fuck. Some are shy and others just like to cock tease. It is especially frustrating when you cannot be forward and ask. I am pretty open and ballsy. In situations such as the workplace this is not an option. There you have to be subtle and discreet. You must gradually work your way from a simple touch to a full on public display of affection.
It is no mystery that women love to gossip. A p.d.a. will automatically spread rumors of a relationship. If she does not like you; she will stop all physical contact. Before you get to that point though you must work your way to it.
The "kiss on the cheek hello" is an easy foot in the door. It's non threatening and chicks love it. It makes them feel trendy I guess; bitches are weird like that. Any way that will be your platform. From there you move onto quick hugs; nothing over two seconds. The hugs will begin with your chests together and your privates apart. Then I want you to slowly introduce your penis into the hug by leaning your lower back into it. It is important for your dick not be hard or that you pull her aggressively towards you. If she has not put an end to your hello's by now it is safe to proceed.
Playful banter is a great way to incorporate handsyness. A slow and gentle graze along her arm or back is safe. If her reaction is not positive your touch can be written off as nothing. You must look at her face as your hands come into contact with her body. An uncomfortable smile or sudden mood change is a quick answer to her feelings towards you.
She definitely wants your semen if she gets handsy too. A hand on the chest or a body stroke in return is a good sign. You must remember not to get carried away. A chick can be really into you but if she feels disrespected you fucked yourself.
It is all about taking your time and gradually working your way in. I perfected this to the point where I was smacking chicks asses in the office. In time you might be too. I wish you luck and hope you don't get hit with a lawsuit.
It is no mystery that women love to gossip. A p.d.a. will automatically spread rumors of a relationship. If she does not like you; she will stop all physical contact. Before you get to that point though you must work your way to it.
The "kiss on the cheek hello" is an easy foot in the door. It's non threatening and chicks love it. It makes them feel trendy I guess; bitches are weird like that. Any way that will be your platform. From there you move onto quick hugs; nothing over two seconds. The hugs will begin with your chests together and your privates apart. Then I want you to slowly introduce your penis into the hug by leaning your lower back into it. It is important for your dick not be hard or that you pull her aggressively towards you. If she has not put an end to your hello's by now it is safe to proceed.
Playful banter is a great way to incorporate handsyness. A slow and gentle graze along her arm or back is safe. If her reaction is not positive your touch can be written off as nothing. You must look at her face as your hands come into contact with her body. An uncomfortable smile or sudden mood change is a quick answer to her feelings towards you.
She definitely wants your semen if she gets handsy too. A hand on the chest or a body stroke in return is a good sign. You must remember not to get carried away. A chick can be really into you but if she feels disrespected you fucked yourself.
It is all about taking your time and gradually working your way in. I perfected this to the point where I was smacking chicks asses in the office. In time you might be too. I wish you luck and hope you don't get hit with a lawsuit.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Sex position of the week: BONUS WEEK
1. The Gorilla Mask - is when you cum on a girls face then sprinkle your pubes on top.
2. The Angry Pirate - is when you cum in one of her eyes then kick her in the leg.
3. The Rope a Dope - is for when you have a girl who doesn't like cum in her face. You fuck her from behind then spit on her back. She will turn around believing you just came then you get her really good in the face with a fresh batch of semen.
4. The Spider Man - is when you cum in your hand and throw it in her face.
5. The Stevie Wonder - is when you cum on a girls eyelids and let it dry. Then you let her fuck you in the cowgirl position and watch her head bob like the famous musician.
6. The Darth Vader - is when you cum in the girls nostrils forcing her to breathe heavily through her mouth.
2. The Angry Pirate - is when you cum in one of her eyes then kick her in the leg.
3. The Rope a Dope - is for when you have a girl who doesn't like cum in her face. You fuck her from behind then spit on her back. She will turn around believing you just came then you get her really good in the face with a fresh batch of semen.
4. The Spider Man - is when you cum in your hand and throw it in her face.
5. The Stevie Wonder - is when you cum on a girls eyelids and let it dry. Then you let her fuck you in the cowgirl position and watch her head bob like the famous musician.
6. The Darth Vader - is when you cum in the girls nostrils forcing her to breathe heavily through her mouth.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
The threesome myth
It is false that every mans fantasy is to have a threesome. It's one of those things we're forced to agree with; like equal rights. In actuality we just want to fuck someone else. Your just added to the mix so you wont get upset.
It is difficult to satisfy one women. If she's not in the mood than it's impossible. Having a threesome is a good way of proving this. You will obviously give the new chick more attention. Your girl is now feeling left out and will go from horny to angry. Your threesome days and potentially your relationship is over.
If you do manage not to piss one of them off you aren't safe yet. Stage fright or early semen release can still factor in. It's embarrassing to fail in front of a girl but with two its an audience. I wouldn't recommend a threesome unless you pop a Viagra or are confident in your performance.
If your dick is willing to cooperate your still not safe. You must remember to hold back. You can't go into porn star mode and start fucking like you never fucked before. Your girl will start to wonder who is this guy? How come he didn't do this before? Then just like that your back in trouble.
Real men who have thought this scenario out know its not worth the trouble. You don't want two unsatisfied women in one room. It just leads to lesbianism.
It is difficult to satisfy one women. If she's not in the mood than it's impossible. Having a threesome is a good way of proving this. You will obviously give the new chick more attention. Your girl is now feeling left out and will go from horny to angry. Your threesome days and potentially your relationship is over.
If you do manage not to piss one of them off you aren't safe yet. Stage fright or early semen release can still factor in. It's embarrassing to fail in front of a girl but with two its an audience. I wouldn't recommend a threesome unless you pop a Viagra or are confident in your performance.
If your dick is willing to cooperate your still not safe. You must remember to hold back. You can't go into porn star mode and start fucking like you never fucked before. Your girl will start to wonder who is this guy? How come he didn't do this before? Then just like that your back in trouble.
Real men who have thought this scenario out know its not worth the trouble. You don't want two unsatisfied women in one room. It just leads to lesbianism.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Stupid rules.
I am always amazed when I run into a chick with rules. Instead of having class she makes up retarded standards to live by. She thought I would be impressed; I'm not. I am however holding it against her as strike one in the relationship.
Please refrain from saying you don't kiss or fuck on the first date. I won't believe you because it's not true. If we had a good time and you like me; you are going to show it in some physical form. It's inevitable because I'm always going to be charming. Whether it is our first or third date you still won't know that I am an asshole. I'm going to be on my best behavior until I crowbar my cock between your legs. So save us both time and give it up early.
If you say that you don't suck dick there is something wrong with you. You are either a liar or going to be alone your whole life. This bullshit is really common amongst girls who haven't had much sex experience. I have had women tell me they won't because of their religion, family values and every other non-related topic that has to do with my dick being dry. I will definitely put you to the test though. I will go down on you first and see if you don't show gratitude back. If so then enjoy falling asleep. Where I will gently rape your mouth and leave.
If you still believe in your rules after this; please keep them to yourself. You will only look stupid when I get you to break them.
Please refrain from saying you don't kiss or fuck on the first date. I won't believe you because it's not true. If we had a good time and you like me; you are going to show it in some physical form. It's inevitable because I'm always going to be charming. Whether it is our first or third date you still won't know that I am an asshole. I'm going to be on my best behavior until I crowbar my cock between your legs. So save us both time and give it up early.
If you say that you don't suck dick there is something wrong with you. You are either a liar or going to be alone your whole life. This bullshit is really common amongst girls who haven't had much sex experience. I have had women tell me they won't because of their religion, family values and every other non-related topic that has to do with my dick being dry. I will definitely put you to the test though. I will go down on you first and see if you don't show gratitude back. If so then enjoy falling asleep. Where I will gently rape your mouth and leave.
If you still believe in your rules after this; please keep them to yourself. You will only look stupid when I get you to break them.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Why are women attracted to assholes?
It's not that women are attracted to assholes. It's that most assholes are attractive. They're good looking and can afford to speak their mind and act out. Women are willing to tolerate their bullshit as long as it comes in a pretty package.
I always find it funny when women say "all the good men are taken". There are plenty of descent guys just none that fit both your physical and mental needs. The good looking guys want nothing to do with you. The ugly ones can kiss your ass and you won't give them the time of day.
If I am young and attractive, why would I settle? There is plenty of disposable pussy. I can fuck you and move on. This is why there is a double standard for sex. When a guy fucks he already knows this is the end of the relationship. A women believes it's the beginning.
It is also very easy to play women. I can feed you lines of us being together and how good I will treat you. Women will always be susceptible to the princess fantasy. They love to hear about being spoiled with material objects and empty promises.
Women are so quick to plan ahead that they don't see whats in front of them. Instead of thinking about his intentions with you. You went ahead and already imagined a life together. He is an asshole but you set yourself up to be mistreated. In some cases when we reveal our inner asshole you still want to be with us. That I cannot explain.
I always find it funny when women say "all the good men are taken". There are plenty of descent guys just none that fit both your physical and mental needs. The good looking guys want nothing to do with you. The ugly ones can kiss your ass and you won't give them the time of day.
If I am young and attractive, why would I settle? There is plenty of disposable pussy. I can fuck you and move on. This is why there is a double standard for sex. When a guy fucks he already knows this is the end of the relationship. A women believes it's the beginning.
It is also very easy to play women. I can feed you lines of us being together and how good I will treat you. Women will always be susceptible to the princess fantasy. They love to hear about being spoiled with material objects and empty promises.
Women are so quick to plan ahead that they don't see whats in front of them. Instead of thinking about his intentions with you. You went ahead and already imagined a life together. He is an asshole but you set yourself up to be mistreated. In some cases when we reveal our inner asshole you still want to be with us. That I cannot explain.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
We want you to talk like a whore not be one
Women should never discuss past sexual experiences. OK, girl on girl may get a pass but nothing about dudes. Talking about how many guys you been with isn't smart. I'm not the jealous type but I'm definitely the "I don't want to catch a v.d." type.
Talking about other men and what they've done to you isn't a turn on. Sure a sex conversation will get me in the mood. In the back of my mind I'm thinking what a dirty whore. I don't know why some women would think it's sexy. The ones that did said the following.
A chick from high school told me she's not in a relationship. She only has sex with her gay (male) next door neighbor when horny. Great, so you want me to fuck you after a gay guy stuck his shit stick inside you already. I would bet money that she had multiple urinary tract infections back then.
An older chick, over forty five, that worked with me said she has been with over one hundred guys easily. Her excuse was "it was a different time back then". I don't know if she was trying to convince me or herself. It didn't matter because I had no interest in being number one hundred and something. Not to mention catching an old timey s.t.d. like syphilis.
My latest encounter involved a chick I knew from junior high school. She had a hormonal imbalance which led her sweat profusely. So much that while fucking the dude had to stop because she smelled too musky. Guys don't stop humping for nothing so you know it had to be really bad.
It would benefit you ladies not to share. For those that do, I appreciate the heads up.
Talking about other men and what they've done to you isn't a turn on. Sure a sex conversation will get me in the mood. In the back of my mind I'm thinking what a dirty whore. I don't know why some women would think it's sexy. The ones that did said the following.
A chick from high school told me she's not in a relationship. She only has sex with her gay (male) next door neighbor when horny. Great, so you want me to fuck you after a gay guy stuck his shit stick inside you already. I would bet money that she had multiple urinary tract infections back then.
An older chick, over forty five, that worked with me said she has been with over one hundred guys easily. Her excuse was "it was a different time back then". I don't know if she was trying to convince me or herself. It didn't matter because I had no interest in being number one hundred and something. Not to mention catching an old timey s.t.d. like syphilis.
My latest encounter involved a chick I knew from junior high school. She had a hormonal imbalance which led her sweat profusely. So much that while fucking the dude had to stop because she smelled too musky. Guys don't stop humping for nothing so you know it had to be really bad.
It would benefit you ladies not to share. For those that do, I appreciate the heads up.
George Bush doesn't care about diamonds
Kanye West, a dedicated father and devout christian, has decided to replace his lower row of human teeth with false teeth encrusted in gold and diamonds. This is a seemingly odd action for Kanye seeing as how he normally doesn't act radically.
Are you kidding?
This walking, talking stereotype does exactly what we think he will do. He commits crimes against intelligence daily. From interrupting a 16 year old receiving an award to saying on national television that, "George Bush doesn't care about black people."
Well, why the fuck would he? He didn't care because 75% of the black populous is riddled with evolutionary examples of a species that can't even be compared to a modern day roach. Too bad roaches don't practice genocide as well as the blacks do.
Keep slapping on diamonds Kanye. You continue to inspire the culturally disadvantaged and allow them to think that as long as they can look important, they will feel important.
You can dip a turd in gold, it's still a turd.
Are you kidding?
This walking, talking stereotype does exactly what we think he will do. He commits crimes against intelligence daily. From interrupting a 16 year old receiving an award to saying on national television that, "George Bush doesn't care about black people."
Well, why the fuck would he? He didn't care because 75% of the black populous is riddled with evolutionary examples of a species that can't even be compared to a modern day roach. Too bad roaches don't practice genocide as well as the blacks do.
Keep slapping on diamonds Kanye. You continue to inspire the culturally disadvantaged and allow them to think that as long as they can look important, they will feel important.
You can dip a turd in gold, it's still a turd.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Sex position of the week: The rusty trombone
The rusty trombone is when a guy is getting his asshole licked while being jerked off simultaneously. You do risk the chance of getting your nose pinched as he clenches while cumming.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Dating conversation taboos
It is always wise to withhold information from someone you just met. If we are dating don't lay your cards on the table too soon. I am a single guy and do not want to hear about ex-boyfriends, financial troubles and most importantly your retarded children. After listening to your problems I don't even want to fuck you. You have become too risky to get involved with.
If you want to show someone that your insecure nothing does it better than talking about past relationships. You can try to convince me that he was wrong. After a couple of minutes though I realize why he left in the first place. Your boring me by talking about the relationship and showing your pettiness.
Money should never come up in the beginning of a relationship. Many will base your personality and lifestyle on how you handle your finances. If you are not doing well keep it to yourself. I have a good example of comparing a persons character to their financial situation. I met this chick in a club. We danced, had some drinks and I eventually got her number. I called her that night when I got home to hook up something for the next day. After about forty minutes of conversation she informs me that she is currently unemployed, lives with her mother and has a nine month year old baby with a dude who just left. I know she was quite the catch. I wanted to fuck her but it would've been a hassle and lighten my pockets. If she would of kept her mouth shut she could of gotten further. Unfortunately for her she just got blocked on my phone and ignored.
Bringing up your kids is another no, no. You are better off surprising me when I walk into your house then tell me on the date. I don't want to deal with another nigga's spilt semen. I am interested in you and you only. So give them NyQuil and send them off to bed. I don't want to be their daddy let alone an uncle.
If you want to show someone that your insecure nothing does it better than talking about past relationships. You can try to convince me that he was wrong. After a couple of minutes though I realize why he left in the first place. Your boring me by talking about the relationship and showing your pettiness.
Money should never come up in the beginning of a relationship. Many will base your personality and lifestyle on how you handle your finances. If you are not doing well keep it to yourself. I have a good example of comparing a persons character to their financial situation. I met this chick in a club. We danced, had some drinks and I eventually got her number. I called her that night when I got home to hook up something for the next day. After about forty minutes of conversation she informs me that she is currently unemployed, lives with her mother and has a nine month year old baby with a dude who just left. I know she was quite the catch. I wanted to fuck her but it would've been a hassle and lighten my pockets. If she would of kept her mouth shut she could of gotten further. Unfortunately for her she just got blocked on my phone and ignored.
Bringing up your kids is another no, no. You are better off surprising me when I walk into your house then tell me on the date. I don't want to deal with another nigga's spilt semen. I am interested in you and you only. So give them NyQuil and send them off to bed. I don't want to be their daddy let alone an uncle.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Erections are like snow flakes
When men look down we don't always know what were going to get. Most of the time it will be your standard hard cock. Sometimes it will be a half and half or a not at all. Other times we may not even recognize our own dick. The head may not be in full form. Maybe the foreskin has rolled up and doesn't have that "off the shoulder look". Erections are like snow flakes, no two are alike.
Having a half and half is better than a not at all but not by much. Both require your tongue to do the work that night. It is frustrating though to have a dick hard enough to stay up but soft that it can't stay in.
Even if your lucky to be hard sometimes your head will go on strike. Sure you can still fuck but you know her g-spot won't be hit the same on the way in and out. Not to mention a dominate head makes the whole thing appear larger.
Not being hard when the time calls for it is embarrassing. It's sometime psychological but its mostly physical. Like drinking to much at the club does it for me. It's funny because I can be stoned and drive but my dick would fail the field sobriety test.
It's mostly not a major factor if your foreskin has an off day. Your slapping a condom over it or fucking in a dimly lit place. It will though if the skin rolls up and tightens on you. Than every thrust feels like your dick is being peeled like a banana.
Having a half and half is better than a not at all but not by much. Both require your tongue to do the work that night. It is frustrating though to have a dick hard enough to stay up but soft that it can't stay in.
Even if your lucky to be hard sometimes your head will go on strike. Sure you can still fuck but you know her g-spot won't be hit the same on the way in and out. Not to mention a dominate head makes the whole thing appear larger.
Not being hard when the time calls for it is embarrassing. It's sometime psychological but its mostly physical. Like drinking to much at the club does it for me. It's funny because I can be stoned and drive but my dick would fail the field sobriety test.
It's mostly not a major factor if your foreskin has an off day. Your slapping a condom over it or fucking in a dimly lit place. It will though if the skin rolls up and tightens on you. Than every thrust feels like your dick is being peeled like a banana.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Sex position of the week: Docking
Docking or as I like to call it "The Chinese Penis Trap" is when two guys place the tips of their penis's together and one of them roles his foreskin over the others shaft. By doing so the men seem to be conjoined at the dick, making an awesome set of Siamese twins. To get the best results the man with the most foreskin should be the one docking.
Please be aware this sex act can back fire and potentially kill the mood. Like if the penis size between the two men is drastic. Then it just looks like one cock has eaten the other. Also too much foreskin can provide a great deal of suction. Separating the penis's suddenly can result in a dick hickey.
Please be aware this sex act can back fire and potentially kill the mood. Like if the penis size between the two men is drastic. Then it just looks like one cock has eaten the other. Also too much foreskin can provide a great deal of suction. Separating the penis's suddenly can result in a dick hickey.
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